Alright, writers. Let’s get real.
Caution: Sarcasm ahead. You’ve been warned.
No, seriously, I’m extremely sarcastic. A little fiery. Sort of done-with-your-shit attitude. It’s how I am in real life, and now in this post, because…well, it’s time. Here’s the thing: Don’t take any of this too personally. (I’m kinda trying to be funny, but in a “no really, stop” kind of way.) Like when your best friend jokes about something that you do that totally ticks them off. If you’re taking the time to read this, you’re probably not a problem. And if you do some of the things on this list, and somehow it works for you, then more power to ya! I won’t claim to be a know-it-all master of Twitter here. You do you, and I’ll do me.
With that slightly confusing, choppy disclaimer out of the way, let’s get started!
The Promoter | So many promotions, so little genuine interaction. Twitter is but an open field for this sinner. A free plot of land to place as many billboards as he pleases. This guy is over the top about not only promoting his own self-published novel, but also RTing the CRAP out of every other self-published novelist in his clique. (I think they have this weird little cult going, actually. You know the ones.) And, that’s it. No helpful content or motivational resources. He’s just all promo all the time. *Mute*
Sir. Obsessed With Numbers | This is the “Marketing specialist”, the Amazon best selling author with 90,000 followers, the “We Promote Your Novel” business twitter, who unfollows unsuspecting people just to keep his “following” number lower than his number of followers. Give. Me. A. Break. I DO keep track of who unfollows me. You know why? Because when I follow you back, I’m committing to a friendship with you. You broke that friendship for seemingly no reason, so I cut the ties.
This, in my opinion, is the only thing Crowdfire is good for. Keeping track of those sneaky number obsessed jerks. *Whew, deep breaths, Nicole…*
Miss Direct Messenger | This has got to be the biggest complaint I see among Twitter right now, and somehow, tons and tons of Direct Message Promotions flood my inbox every single day. Some of you have gotten really clever about it, I’ll give you that, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. I don’t know you. You haven’t taken the time to see if I’m in your target market, to build a relationship with me, or to show me you’re a reliable resource in your niche. Here’s a secret: you just look desperate. And unless your book somehow allows me to eat chocolate without gaining weight, I don’t want it. That’s the hard truth, my friend. I just don’t care.
@NicoleLautore The fact so many people do it doesn’t help. When you auto-DM, you in essence become nothing but white noise.
— Ben Willoughby (@BenWilloughby84) January 22, 2016
VIA CROWDFIRE | Do you people know this pops up at the end of your automated DM or tweets? How impersonal is that? I know we all have very little time on our hands, I get it. But at least make your automated tweets look more sincere, and be sure to interact with people at the end of the day. Because those automated tweets will NOT make sales.
If you’re really too busy to tweet, but you want to build your online presence, I’ve listed a few tips on how to master marketing and writing like a boss (using time management and organization) in this post: click here.
The Overzealous Newbie | So I’ve had this happen to me on several occasions. Someone will tweet and direct message me (non-stop) for writing advice and marketing advice. Now, please please please don’t take this the wrong way. You can contact me whenever you need me! However, this person got angry when I stopped replying right away. They even unfollowed me on all my social media platforms. I let it go…but really? I have a life outside of social media, and I’m sorry I can’t get back to you on every single thing you sent me. Also, I don’t always have answers for every single question, and at one point I got a little overwhelmed. Don’t be that person. Be polite. Contact others, make connections. But remember there’s a real world outside of Twitter. *gasp*
Mr. Too Many Hashtags | Today I #AmWriting a #SuspensfulThriller with #BadAss #Female #Protagonist! #NewYorkCityGal #BestSellerOnTheWay #OooLookAtMe #FancyPants
Please. PLEASE. I am literally begging you. Just…stop.
Also if you ever tweet #BestSellerOnTheWay I have wanted to punch you on multiple occasions. Mostly because if “become a best selling author” is your end goal, you’re writing for all the wrong reasons.
The Self-Absorbed | (This also applies to the #BestSellerOnTheWay hashtag. Yes I have seen this.) Writers are gentle creatures. Modest, loyal, sincere. We’re very much like unicorns, wanting to live out our lives with just a few comrades somewhere deep in a peaceful forest. We don’t like stress or loud noises. Just some music, a cup of coffee, and the solitude of our craft. This, apparently, does not apply to all writers. Some writers are so into themselves and how limitless their talents are, it’s all they can tweet about. This drives me bonkers. Yes, Twitter is a social platform in which you express yourself. And yes, you should let your followers know who you are. But if it’s ALL. YOU. TWEET. ABOUT: You need to rethink your life choices. In order to make more sales, you’re going to have to help people. Offer them a piece of yourself. A solution to a problem. Content. Not non-stop babbling about how “awesome writing is going” and how you know your book is going to be success.
Mix some modesty into your coffee creamer and chill out.
Now, before you get your undies all in a twist, and you write me into your next book as the Antagonist, I want you to remember: This is all just my opinion. If you do one or all of these things and it’s working for you, so be it! Don’t care. But most likely I’ve already muted you and I can’t see your arrogant over-hashtagged promo tweets anyway. SO, HA!
I want to end this post on a positive note (because I promise I’m not a horrible person) and share with you some writers on Twitter who are doing it right. And when I say *right* I mean so, so, so amazingly right. I love these people with all my heart. They’ve built relationships with me and offered great content, advice, and insight into their journey. They’re real people, and they set a great standard for writers on Twitter. Follow them.
- KM Weiland
- Better Novel Project
- Nat Russo
- Brian Rathbone
- Faye at Writerology
- Kristen A. Keiffer
- C.L. McCollum
- Brett Michael Orr
- Brianna DaSilva
- Briana Morgan
- Jenny Bravo
Happy Writing! 🙂